Felo de Se
by XxHot92xX
Summary: Like always, Naruto blindsided them. [AU] [Team 7 fic]


**Title: **Felo de Se  
**Description:** Like always, Naruto blind-sided them. AU Team 7 fic  
**Pairings:** None intended. Perhaps NaruSasu if you squint really hard.  
**Rating: **T  
**Warnings: **Suicide and the toll it has on those who cared.  
**Disclaimer:** If I owned Naruto (which I don't, sadly), the Kakashi gaiden would've been aired instead of hideous fillers, KakaSaku innuendos would be overwhelming, and Hayate would be resurrected to frolic with Genma. And maybe Raidou as well...

Fe•lo-de-se

_Pronunciation: (fel'ōo-di-sēe', -sāa) _

**1.** a person who commits suicide or commits an unlawful, malicious act resulting in his or her own death.

**2.** the act of suicide.

o-o-o-o-o

_My prescriptions read like ransom notes  
_

_And love letters you never wrote.  
_

_Help me feel like I'm not paranoid_

oOo

He didn't need therapy, Sasuke mentally proclaimed as he scowled deeply, the frown appearing to be permanent on his young, handsome features. If anybody needed therapy, it was Sakura. Hell, she was the one who found the idiot swinging from the noose. She was the one who was still shaking, whispering that she could still hear the rafters creaking as his body swung lazily to and fro. Sasuke frowned deeper, if possible, and settled back into the couch's comfy exterior, arms crossed with childlike defiance. Even as he sat there, staring at the pale wall with impossible scrutiny and remaining mute throughout the "session", he couldn't help but remember how heavy the body was when he dragged him down, how sickly blue his lips had become. Sasuke cursed. The idiot _still_ wouldn't leave him alone. Even in death.

The raven-haired young man took his opaque gaze off the wall and took a scan of the room he was forcefully confined in. It was a small three-room apartment that was painted in a pale shade of yellow. Something told him that he was now currently residing in the living room, if one could call the tiny space liveable, and the kitchen was behind him, off to the left. Sasuke let his eyes gaze upon his two accomplices, seething at one in particular who suggested this morose meeting. Sakura was curled up on an armchair, her knees drawn under her as she cradled a small tub of vanilla fudge ice cream in her pale hands like this whole scenario was only a bad breakup. Sasuke could feel his eyebrow tick at her incompetence to face facts that a spoonful of dairy wouldn't fill up the empty void any faster. Her eyes were never dry since the moment she stepped into the threshold and saw the eerie shadow slowly sway lifelessly and were currently shining in the fluorescent lights with unshed tears. Sasuke saw her hands shaking, holding the ice cream tub too tight and wondered if the trembles were from the numbing cold of the frozen treat.

Sasuke could feel his hands tighten into fists, causing his arms to cross even tighter around his chiseled frame, as his ebony eyes settled onto the man who insisted they should all come together during this tragic time. _What a crock of shit_. Sasuke narrowed his eyes at Kakashi, the silver-haired man was collapsed lackadaisically in a spare chair across from him and to the right of Sakura. His lone, grey eye stared right back at him, harboring some emotion that Sasuke couldn't place. Perhaps it was regret or maybe remorse. Sasuke scoffed. The man _should_ feel that way. After all, he was late to the funeral.

The room was silent, save for Sakura's harbored breaths and occasional sniffs. The tension was so thick that the idiot they were mourning for would've done something irrevocably stupid to break the ice by now. Sasuke twitched as he recollected the memories from which that thought stirred. Kakashi, curse the man, saw this slight, barely there movement and decided it was time for someone to say something.

"It's quiet.."

Sakura let one of her hands free from her vice-like grip upon the ice cream carton to cover her mouth and muffle the sob the older man had instilled. The statement was bland and to the point like Kakashi's statements always were, but despite the obvious that was spoken, the roseate-haired young woman could hear what had been noticeably held back: _"..without him_._"_. Sakura tried to calm her suddenly ragged breaths, but found that her pulse wouldn't stop beating fast and sporadically and her hands wouldn't stop from jittering to their own accord. She didn't want to be the only one that was noticeably breaking, she didn't want to be the one that appeared weak and incapable of controlling her tears. She swallowed hard, pushing down the sob and pain for the time being.

Taking two deep breaths as an attempt to reign in her self-control, Sakura mumbled quietly, "So it seems."

Kakashi swivelled his grey eye towards the shaking nurse, observing how she wouldn't let go of the carton and how she tried to blink the liquid in her eyes away. Sasuke noticed this as well and merely narrowed his eyes at her quivering form, berating her for trying to be strong when she was obviously not. Sakura didn't acknowledge either of the two, her emerald irises staring down at the words engraved onto the ice cream carton that exclaimed: _"Fat free!"_. She bit her lip hard.

Sasuke finally spoke up, directing his venomous words towards Kakashi, "Why did you drag us here?"

Kakashi tore his eye away from Sakura's now-still form, still rereading the carton's inscriptions over and over again, and turned his gaze towards the bristling Uchiha. The silver-haired man readjusted the black bandana over his left eye and ran a hand through his silver apex before settling back into his chair, "To talk."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow while Sakura peeked up from her reading to see the events that were about to unfold. The raven-haired eighteen-year-old stared long and hard at his former sensei, trying to deduce the real reason for this meeting. The man was severely laconic. No way was this just a friendly get-together to _talk_. He could hear his teeth grind together.

"There's nothing to talk about."

Silence filtered into the room once more, much more intense and deafening than the previous lack of words. Sakura fingered the carton's lid, ripping the cardboard into little pieces that scattered upon the carpet. Sasuke felt his jaw tense, his knuckles aching from being balled up so tight. Kakashi only sighed and raised his eye to the ceiling lethargically.

"I believe there is. Something on the subject of Naruto, am I right?"

Sakura whimpered at the name, the blonde's deceased and pale face swimming into her vision. Sasuke flinched slightly and glared at Kakashi. Damn him for saying that name. Not one to back down, Sasuke merely let his fists unclench and never let his gaze falter from that one, dun iris, "That's a dead subject."

Kakashi tried not to cringe at the sudden rip that echoed from his left. Looking to where Sakura was curled up on the armchair, he saw the ice cream lid torn in half in the roseate-haired teen's hands that had begun to jostle once more. Her eyes were wide and frightened, watching something that wasn't there take place again and again. Kakashi was tempted to go over there and snap her out of the morbid reverie, but before a word could be uttered, Sakura regained her sanity, shaking her head, eyes still wide. Sasuke only stared at the rumpled woman, trying not to feel a sense of guilt overcome his heart. He let his eyes flicker from her haunted eyes to her armrest instead.

Kakashi's voice reprimanded angrily, "Have some sympathy."

Sasuke snapped his eyes up to his elder and nearly screamed in rage as something inside of him rattled, "_Sympathy?_ Don't tell me to have sympathy! You didn't even show up for the goddamned eulogy! Don't even think that this little therapy session will make up for it. If there's anyone to blame for this, it's you!"

He could no longer control what words he spit out of his mouth, even rash and childish accusations such as the latter, and the look on Kakashi's face reflected that. His one eye was wide with shock while his hidden face seemed slack-jawed. Sakura had her hands covering both her ears, the ice cream tub discarded upon the floor. Sasuke could hear his deep breaths resounding and his heart thumping loudly in his own ears. He could imagine how wild-eyed he looked in that moment, but no longer cared about aloof appearances. He glared at Kakashi, unrelenting.

_Damn you._

Kakashi, brushing off the harsh accusation gracefully, softly spoke, "No one's responsible for this. It surprised all of us."

Sasuke grinded his teeth, sure that the enamels were beginning to rub off bit by bit. Surprised? No, surprise was reserved for birthday parties and baby showers. Surprise didn't even cover it. Seeing Naruto's dangling body hanging from the rope tied to the rafters instilled something in him that didn't have a name. It was too powerful, too gut-wrenching to own a name.

Without his consent, his voice shook, "How can no one be responsible? Dammit, he was _Naruto_. If he wasn't spitting out some inspirational crap, he was frolicking in a meadow of flowers. It doesn't make sense..." Sasuke let his voice trail off, voicing everyone's opinions.

Sakura picked up the ice cream carton from the floor and swirled her spoon around the melting liquid, trying hard not to let her voice falter, quietly pondered, "Maybe it was me. I mean.. I was always turning him down for a date and stuff like that.. I never gave him a chance. Maybe that's why I can still here the rafters creaking. Maybe it's guilt."

Sakura could feel the condensation on the carton melt its way onto her hands, "What if we're all guilty? What if this is the exact opposite of what you just said, Kakashi-sensei?"

Kakashi watched her spin her spoon around and around the melted ice cream. He could see her pent up remorse and he could feel Sasuke's harbored pain. The silver-maned man sighed quietly, silently questioning Naruto as to why he had to put them through this and just what did he expect them to learn from it? Kakashi felt his hands clench into fists despite his strict hold upon his emotions.

"What if we killed him?"

Kakashi sucked in a sharp breath and gazed at Sakura's dull irises, the emerald color seeming to be drained and hopeless. He could hear Sasuke's concealed clenching of his jaw as well while Sakura merely kept spinning her spoon around in a vicious circle. No one dared to speak for a while. It was an accusation, a what-if, that was just too real and raw to anticipate. Sasuke stared at the metallic spoon and how it continued it's never-ending journey around the carton, despite the tears that plopped in its way.

"_Why are you so damn happy all the time?" _

"_Someone has to be." _

The raven-haired teen could feel the fury wrap around his heart, causing his whole body to shake in irateness. The rattling inside of him shattered. He turned towards Sakura and practically spat at her, "That's a load of bullshit."

Sakura stopped spinning her spoon to look at Sasuke with wide eyes and a slightly agape mouth.

Sasuke stood up from his seat and balled his fists at his sides while he snarled, "Bullshit! Don't you think _anything_ of him? Do you really think he'd let someone else knock him down like that? Goddamn bullshit, Sakura!"

"Sasuke..."

Sasuke ripped his arm away from Kakashi's grip, "Don't touch me! Don't ever touch me, you bastard!"

Sasuke finally sat back down on the edge of his seat with his ragged breaths, trying to grasp onto his self-control once more, "How can you live with yourself? Showing up late to your own student's funeral... You _coward_."

Kakashi narrowed his eye at him and pointed to himself, "I'm a coward? I'm not the one who is shooting accusations left and right, not accepting that maybe Naruto wasn't as stable as we all thought."

Sasuke growled out, "You were late."

They reached an impasse. Kakashi was about to retort, but decided against it, casting his eye to the side to gaze at the poorly done molding.

"_Why don't you just give up?" _

"_Where's the fun in that?"_

Sasuke fell silent. He was done talking.

Sakura bit her lip. It wasn't supposed to be this way.

The constant of their little group had left them crumpled and deflated. Without the glue, they would all surely break. Sakura closed her eyes, trying to block out the images the darkness stirred. He was the strongest out of all of them. If he couldn't take it anymore, what hope was there for the rest of them he'd left behind?

"That idiot..."

Sakura opened her eyes slowly, watching how Sasuke gazed at the floor with an expression she wasn't familiar with. The way his brow was furrowed, creating an evident worry line on his marble forehead, made him seem so much more fragile than he ever dared to show. Sakura looked away, not wanting to intrude on one's mourning.

"_Don't you ever get tired of smiling, Naruto?" _

"_Sometimes. Only when it really hurts." _

"We should've known."

And now, as Sasuke lowered his head, ebony bangs covering his eyes from the world, he realized that Naruto had them all fooled into submission. Why, he didn't know. It was one of those things that no one would ever understand about Naruto. The blonde-haired, cerulean-eyed teen was full of life, happiness, love... Sasuke was supposed to be Mr. Doom and Gloom – not someone so loveable and caring as Uzumaki Naruto. Somehow, he sickly wished that the roles, the fates, had been switched. At least then, no one would have to ponder so hard as to why Uchiha Sasuke committed suicide.

Sakura put down the carton of vanilla fudge on the coffee table and let herself wrap her arms around her drawn up knees, lowering her head to rest upon her kneecaps. Her roseate tresses fell around her as she desperately tried to see where, exactly, everything went wrong. Despite wracking her mind for any recollection as to when Naruto seemed to break at the seams, she found no evidence that the teen was ever depressed, saddened or detesting life. How could someone so inspirational and encouraging die by his own hands in such a malicious way? Sakura heard a faint sound of creaking in the back of her mind. The rafter was under pressure but did not break. She hugged herself tighter. Why couldn't it have broke?

_Maybe it was denial_, Kakashi thought as he stared hard at the peeling wallpaper, seeing how it was breaking off piece by piece but still trying so hard to keep the room looking that much more beautiful and bright. Perhaps it was denial's fault for having him pacing his hallway as the clock glared at him from his night stand while his student's service was being held. Kakashi tore his eyes away from the yellow wallpaper. He didn't have an excuse this time. He didn't have some wild, crazy tale to prattle on about. All he had was a bottle of insomnia pills and a case of_ reality_. He didn't want another precious person be lost to the unforgiving hands of the Reaper. Kakashi brought a hesitant hand to rest upon his covered left eye, the socket starting to throb under his pale fingers. He had to give Naruto credit – a sick and masochistic credit, but credit nonetheless. The golden-haired teen had everyone fooled with his blinding smiles and Kakashi couldn't help but to think that he should've seen through his student's deadly facade.

Somewhere in the deep recesses of Kakashi's mind, he knew that no one was to blame for Naruto's untimely death. So why, then, did he feel so responsible?

"_Ne, Kakashi-sensei. Don't you ever think that maybe Obito forgives you?" _

"I have to go."

Kakashi raised his head to see Sasuke rising from the couch stiffly. The ebony-haired Uchiha's eyes looked wild and caged, like he was on the brink of something and just had to _get out_. The boy's form walked lithely past Kakashi as he made his way to the door, eyeing the silver-haired man evenly before turning his iced gaze to someplace far away. Kakashi could hear Sakura lift her head from her knees and stare at Sasuke's blunt retreat, eyebrows most likely furrowed while she debated whether or not to leave as well.

Kakashi let his lone eye follow his former student hurry towards the door. He let him go.

Sasuke reached the door and twisted the knob a bit too harshly, his knuckles white under the pressure, and slammed the wooden contraption behind him roughly. Sasuke gritted his teeth as he stood on the concrete steps outside Kakashi's apartment and leaned against the closed, red door. He let his head hit the wood hard and closed his eyes. He had wanted to get away from here as far as possible, but he couldn't even make it past the damn front door. Sasuke let out a breath as he slid down to sit upon the grey, cracking concrete. The eighteen-year-old's eyes watched the barren streets in the dusk lighting, craning his head upwards to see the last lights of the sun fade away to a bleak overcast. Sasuke paid no mind to the occupants that resided in the apartment just beyond the creaking door.

He knew Kakashi wouldn't come after him.

Back inside, stewing in the silence Sasuke had left in his wake, Sakura forced down the wretched sobs that threatened to echo off of her former sensei's paper-thin walls. The roseate-haired young woman brought down her feet to place upon the floor as her hands settled upon her kneecaps, back straight as a pin while her eyes tried not to look at Kakashi's still silhouette from her peripheral vision.

Swallowing nothing but air, Sakura felt her fingernails dig into her pale skin as she whispered, "I should go."

She stayed where she was.

Kakashi side glanced at the quivering medic and tried to force down the soothing, false words his mouth was close to spewing. Instead, he opted for shaking his head slightly at her while forcing himself to rise from his chair (and guilt) to amble off towards the kitchen. Sakura remained where she was, gnawing on her bottom lip while the tears escaped their locks and chains to mark salty paths on her cheeks. She let her eyes close and watched as Naruto's shining, cerulean orbs manifested through the darkness.

Sakura opened her eyes when she heard Kakashi saunter back into the room, three mugs of simmering tea in hand. Wordlessly, he handed her a mug which Sakura took despite not being thirsty. The laconic man abandoned his spare chair and made himself comfortable on the couch Sasuke had resided on, placing one of the mugs onto the coffee table. Kakashi wrapped his hands around his cup, feeling the warmth radiate from the blue ceramic.

Sakura stared at the third mug that sat idly on the coffee table and wondered, briefly, who it was for.

"The last time I saw Naruto, I told him how proud I was."

Sakura flickered her eyes towards Kakashi, surprised at the quiet confession. Kakashi didn't meet her gaze, however, as he stared down at the warm liquid in his hands. His fingers unconsciously tightened around the mug as he lifted his head to stare into Sakura's emerald eyes.

Sakura swallowed thickly, breaking contact with her former sensei to observe the swirling essences of jasmine and honey, letting the admission hang over their heads.

The third mug slowly cooled, it's precious warmth wasting away in a transparent steam.

Sasuke never came back in. _But they all knew where he was._

Kakashi didn't say why he was late. _Because they already knew._

Sakura didn't leave. _And she didn't know why._

Naruto was silent for the rest of the evening.

o-o-o-o-o

**A/N:** Arghh, I feel like this could be so much more than what it is! Perhaps someone will pick up where I left off (with _my consent_ of course) and create what this oneshot was truly meant to be.

Okay, I am AWARE that Naruto committing suicide is EXTREMELY inconceivable, but I wanted to get my feet wet with the idea. I needed a challenge. I was gonna make it Sasuke, but I felt that didn't fit right. Then I was gonna make it Sakura or Kakashi, but they didn't feel right either. Naruto was my last resort and it seemed so unexpected and so unbelievable that I was compelled to try and make it work. I know it may not be all that convincing, but it was fun (not such a good word to use on such a serious subject) to try and meddle around with the idea.

But please, if you or anyone else you know has symptoms of depression and/or is having thoughts of suicide, _please_ go get professional help. As you can see from this piece, the aftereffects of suicide take a heavy toll upon the ones left behind. Live for life!

Thank you for reading and please review with comments, opinions and whatnot. It makes my Muses happy.

_- - H. 92_


End file.
